The other day, on 97.1 The River here in Atlanta, they played a block of Pink Floyd . . . the final song the audience chooses while the first two play. The song that was selected was Shine On You Crazy Diamond and I thought it was very fitting to my life when the DJ said that this may be the last song we ever hear . . . in the calm of the moment, all of you knowing me, I felt very OK with that song being the last one I hear. Of course, all the conspiracy theory paranoia set in thinking that my attachment to that song is a mere echo cascading down from my future demise and it really will be the last song I hear and maybe the world IS ending.
It started four years ago, I was just gaining interest in this Mayan Prophecy – End of the World idea, so I spent the entire year focusing my practice on this one piece, the Sunstone. I was interested for two reasons. One, the detailing on this 12 foot diameter carving fascinated me and two, its connection with the Mayan Calendar having a final date of December 21, 2012 . . . some of the things I’ve learned was that this image was not Mayan, but Aztec with artistic references to the Mayan Calendar and that it was not used as a calendar, but rather as a sacrificial altar. The Mayan Calendar was something a bit different, and in the end I realized that the ending was just like any other ending of a cycle that just happened to be within or present relative perspective.
Did I believe the world would end, actually I felt nothing would happen at least nothing beyond self-fulfilling prophecies. However, the entire event seemed a great vehicle I could use to re-focus my energy inward and use the date of December 21, 2012 as a date to have my stuff together and ready to hit the ball rolling in 2013. Thus began a 4 year journey into myself, discovering who I am, or rather who did I choose or will myself to be. Ask the questions, the hard questions about everything, peeling the onion away, veil by veil, digging deeper into the definition of this vibration that is me. Upon arrival at the center of my personal mandala, and seeing the core nature of my Self, the focus then turned back towards the outer world and the long steady climb upward, this time, constructing the me I chose to be. Putting the pieces back together, I calibrated this new construct based upon what type of community I actually wanted to live withing and be a part of. Those questions were endless as I looked at every aspect of what a healthy community is supposed to be. I tinkered away, beginning by removing all the drama, no matter who or what it was, from my life. If it could not be removed, I came to consensus and faced the issue with everything that needed it. No more hiding from anything, especially the truth of such matters as that which defines my life, who I am and the people I surround myself with.
When you focus your mind and your will, in this way, start to realize that you have only been reacting to the world around you, and not creating it for yourself. Doing what others tell you because we lack confidence in our own thoughts. We know our sins hidden deep within, and value ourselves as unworthy of anything, or this is at least the perspective of a recovering catholic. But that is a selfish thought, we say to ourselves, we must care for others first. It is the <enter spiritual or moral path you follow here> way . . . yet we know in our core that we ultimately are supposed to be happy, and have a right to being that way. No matter what anyone says, we each, that is the I that is thinking what we think in our heads, all alone with no one to guide our thoughts through our emotions, we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness, not necessarily success, but definitely happiness, and no one else. So you drive to make yourself happy, fighting bouts of feeling selfish, and yes, you may get disconnected from the outer world, friends and family, but in this Universe, everything ebbs and flows, and everything that leaves eventually comes back, though evolved in some way. Before I could do anything to help my community, I needed to get my own 4 limbs based upon a solid foundation, you know, put the oxygen mask on myself first and then get to work being a valuable asset to both myself, my family and friends and my community, though I really should say our community, because if you are reading this then you are a part of my community and thus it is ours. In thinking about the type of person I wanted to be and the type of community and world I wanted around me, I started to understand that we each are responsible for creating our own life, yet so many of us sit around and wait for our life to come to us, and then get angry when it does show up on our doorstep. The truth is we do what we can, and surround ourselves with a support network and explore the Universe out from there, that place called home. But you have to push, first inward, then climb back out. Remember, each and everyone of us is doing the very best we can with the cards we have been dealt with, we all struggle, we all have days that suck the wind out of us and none of us are at the same place along this never-ending ever evolving path towards enlightenment, or whatever that highest ideal one holds for themselves. We get caught up along the way and we get lost, fall down or any other of an infinite myriad of bizarre excuses.
It is easy to get lost in one’s self, and thinking that what is right for you is right for society, and technically that is correct, but the ego likes to latch onto anything that validates our existence, so first you fight to discover yourself, only to find the next battle is that there are typically two of you, the one we are in the present, and the one we are trying to be. The one we were really doesn’t matter anymore other than being a guide forward. The real struggle is between the now and the future. So many ways and places to get lost and distracted, but we fight on, trying to bring ourselves into existence. I am a firm believe that we are still in the over, so to say. We are still evolving into what we are becoming and what we are now, is not the end. If it doesn’t feel like the end, then we just have not gotten there yet.
So Yes, we see ourselves as the most important thing in our relative universe, and we are responsible for our own happiness. When we make the flip, we are alone, born again to our new selves, in a some what happier fashion, but still alone. We can’t go back where we came from, and we still only know a few people on this new road, where is the new civilization you are to be a part of. The questions of the self begin to evolve into greater states of happiness and we realize that our own happiness can only become greater when those we surround ourselves with are happy as well, and from our happiness begin to pour it into those around us, lifting them up while lifting ourselves up. Then they do it an so on. Eventually, your happiness surpasses the escape velocity of the gravity of your own fear and you break free into the speed of light bringing those you love in your wake. You are now part of a movement that has no leader, the group leads itself. The community exist because you are there, you do not exist because your community makes it so.
I am very proud of the work I have done on both myself, and the community I am happy to share with all those I love. Our work is only beginning and everything I do now is aimed towards a peaceful existence for ALL BEINGS and my hands will only participate on the dawn of this new age in Acts of Creation and not Destruction. There comes a time when you need to chose between the two, but only do it when you are ready to put your heart and soul into it, by means of surrendert. There is no hurry. Be patient and do it correctly and wisely. And speak simply and eloquently . . .
It is a difficult thing being human, being all alone upstairs in our heads trying to express to the world who we really are without any sense of judgement in return. It’s all a part of evolution, the river of change that flows. We align ourselves to it or crash upon the rocks.
We Got This . . . this thing called Life.
Now lets play ourselves into existence . . . the Age of Movement ends and we enter into the blank canvas of the 6th Universe . . .
Shine on you Crazy Diamonds . . .
I leave you with this . . . the early stage of the Sunstone painting and Rush’s Malignant Narcissism . . .